I was in a meeting for new teachers recently and saw a quote on the wall of the classroom we were meeting in. “Attitudes are the real disability”. This has had me thinking about that for the past week. How important is our attitude as parents, teachers, friends, family, etc. to those we care for? It made me think about my attitude towards my son. Am I enabling him to succeed through my attitudes towards him? Or do I display a negative towards his “disability” and what I think he can do? Do I have an attitude that he won’t be able to succeed at certain activities before he even tries them? Do I have an attitude that doesn’t let him explore or be himself?
Attitude can be defined as “a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behavior.” It really made me think not only about my son but also as a new Special Education Teacher. Am I selling my son, my students short? Am I not encouraging them enough? Challenging them enough?
I look at the picture above and see a little boy who is happy. He brings joy into almost every situations. I don’t want to affect his attitude towards himself to be anything less than joy. I don’t want him to think he isn’t perfect. I realized that my attitude towards him needs to be even more loving and encouraging. I need to keep challenging him to be himself and enjoy life.
Sometimes when we label a child as having a disability, we work so hard to get them to “normal”. We take them to therapies, appointments, doctors, hospitals, and anyone else who can help them. But what if they are already perfect? What if God didn’t intend for them to be what the world deems “normal”?
As a parent I understand helping our kids become independent and able to function in society. But at what point do we say forget the academics and rigorous schedules? There are days my son doesn’t get home until 6. That’s almost a 12 hour day. At what point do I let my kid be a kid? It’s a tough place to be. I know he needs the help of everyone of his doctors, therapist, teachers, etc. Is there a better way to do education and therapy than what we are currently doing?
What if there is a better way to teach our kids to learn? A better formula to balance school and therapy? How do we allow our kids to be kids and still improve their independence?
I often wonder what Cayden is thinking. What does he think about me? What would he say to me that could help be a better dad? What does he really like and really enjoy doing? In the picture above he is playing “Lego Game”(Lego Marvel Super Heros). He loves to play and act out what is going on in the game. To his teachers I apologize. He began the school year Hulk Smashing. Probably not a good game to teach appropriate behavior.
But what does my son love beyond a game? I think the most important thing we can do as parents is come alongside what our kids love the most and love it just as much. At dinner we pray for the Marvel character that he chooses. How do I embrace what he likes and make him feel important?
I think it can be too easy to look over what he really enjoys. It’s hard to play a game with someone who doesn’t play by the rules and always ends up Hulk smashing your super hero. But I should play with him more. I should do what he loves more. Our attitude really defines the power of the perceived disability.
If we look at the situation with hope and by supporting our children then we are likely to find success and joy. If we look at the situation with grief and limit our expectations we are going to struggle.
It’s not easy knowing your child has a disability and won’t be looked at as a “typical peer”. That your kid is more than likely going to be the “odd” one. That your child may not be able to ever live a normal life. By no means does Cayden have it bad. He is overall healthy, he can feed himself, run, see, hear, laugh.
My heart goes out to those whose children can not do those things. Whose children need attention 24/7. The attitude there is grief, but I almost guarantee if you talk to those parents they are in love with their kid.
I think as parents we can accept the reality of the disability without stunting the growth of our kids. I am expecting Cayden to live with us into adulthood. But that shouldn’t stop me from trying to teach him how to be independent. My job as a parent doesn’t stop because of his disability. My job to teach him how to throw a ball, ride a bike, swim, read, write, talk, doesn’t stop because of his disability.
It means I find joy in the situation and push aside frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, shame, embarrassment. My son is a joy. My son is a goofball. My son is smart. My son is my son. My son is Cayden.
Hmm, where do I even start. Life has been what life tends to be, crazy. For me personally I am on my third full time job within the last year. I left the school setting to try and figure out what I wanted to do. I was working full time at a family amusement place here in the area, still trying to figure out what I really wanted. Lizzy had just gotten at job at the YMCA down the road from our house. Cayden was now in the second grade and Caleb was just starting Kindergarten.
around his neck and needed oxygen. However, he was able to breathe without the support of an oxygen hood within 24 hours. He fought through Jaundice and not being able to feed properly. After 5 days in the hospital we were able to take Cayden home.
I know my son at times can be hard, I know that he can sometimes cause frustration. However, I know that my son is loved. I know my son is precious. I know that my son is funny. I know that my son is handsome. I know my son is courageous. I know that my sons are best friends. I know that Caleb loves his brother and will look after him. I know that I would do anything for both of them. I know we are where we are supposed to be right now. I don’t know how we got here, I’m amazed by our path. Grateful for our path. Grateful for our experiences. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Pains and Joys of Raising a Disabled Child 
