Pains and Joys of Raising a Disabled Child

Hmm, where do I even start.  Life has been what life tends to be, crazy.  For me personally I am on my third full time job within the last year.  I left the school setting to try and figure out what I wanted to do.  I was working full time at a family amusement place here in the area, still trying to figure out what I really wanted.  Lizzy had just gotten at job at the YMCA down the road from our house.  Cayden was now in the second grade and Caleb was just starting Kindergarten.

One morning we were at Costco enjoying their hot dogs when I received a call about a teaching job that had just opened up.  I had been considering getting into teaching, but have been hesitant about it.  I agreed to meet and as the story goes am now teaching in an Extended Resource Room.  My hesitation has nothing to do with the kids, but the responsibility and time it takes to care for kids with special needs.  I am committing myself to take care of kids and prepare them for the future.  I am responsible for teaching them skills they will need to be successful in whatever capacity that may be.  Parents are trusting me with their child.

As parents of a child with special needs we are sometimes hesitant when allowing people to care for our child.  We have to trust that they will take care of him and not allow harm to come to him.  I am amazed at what our children can learn.  When I say our, I mean all of ours.  All of our children start out not knowing anything and slowly start learning and putting things together.

Cayden is special, not just in his needs but in who he is as an individual.  He has that special ability to make all those around him smile.  He has a goofy sense of humor that I love about him, he’s silly and he doesn’t care who is watching him.  Cayden also shows empathy and reminds us what is important.

I can still remember the day he was born.  That day I was nervous, scared, excited, not ready.  Here I was, 21, having a son.  His birth was not without it’s difficulties.  He was born with the cord around his neck and needed oxygen.  However, he was able to breathe without the support of an oxygen hood within 24 hours.  He fought through Jaundice and not being able to feed properly.  After 5 days in the hospital we were able to take Cayden home.

Within the first year, I noticed that he was not making milestones and we started to get him help.  I know for a fact that all the therapist that helped Cayden within those first 3 years of his life were a blessing.  They gave us strategies to help him improve and they personally took an interest into helping Cayden achieve task that were before impossible.  Thank you to all those that took an interest and put their expertise into Cayden.

Now 7 years later our son is able to read, write, speak, walk, run, feed himself, and many other skills.  This is not to say everything he does is perfect. He still falls, still speaks words that sound like an alien language, still has trouble doing things.  But you know what, he is doing things.  Things we weren’t sure he would be able to do.  It’s hard as a parent not knowing what your child will be able to achieve.  It’s even harder to hear people say your son or daughter will never . . .

Special needs is something that surrounds us.  Some disorders are more prominent and receive more attention,  however, every child is special.  In the last couple of years, I have found that kids with special needs are some of the happiest kids around.  They are also some of the funniest.  Even in their defiance, their tantrums, they can be cute.

In my last classroom there was one boy who had to be last everywhere he went so he could make sure everyone was going where they needed to go. We had another boy that loved his ketchup and arresting everyone.  Another kid could sing you any song that came on the radio.  One of the girls had a crush on all the cute boys and would giggle every time one came near (watch out high school). Another girl loved helping her classmates and loved sports.  Another student loved to act out dances, no matter where he was.

All of these kids are special.  We call them students with special needs, but really they are students with special hearts.  Hearts that pour out love, hearts that show us what it really means to love.  They don’t see each others’ “special needs” , they see their friends and classmates.  They don’t see themselves as different from those around them.  And yet we are in a society that focuses so much on being perfect.  We focus so much on status and what others think about us that we forget to just love.

I want to say thank you to those students that have shown me what real love looks like.  Everyday I am in classroom I feel that love.  I would encourage all of you to volunteer in a classroom or with an event for special needs if you don’t already.  The kids look up to you and look forward to that interaction.  They look past your flaws (though sometimes point them out bluntly) and love you for who are, not what you have or what you can do for them.

So I am in a spot where I am involved in making a safe environment for students to learn and to love.  To be accepted for who they are as a whole.  I am in a spot where I get to teach skills to students that will last a lifetime.  I am in a spot where parents are trusting me with their kid, just as I have trusted others with Cayden.

I know my son at times can be hard, I know that he can sometimes cause frustration.  However, I know that my son is loved. I know my son is precious.  I know that my son is funny.  I know that my son is handsome.  I know my son is courageous.  I know that my sons are best friends.  I know that Caleb loves his brother and will look after him.  I know that I would do anything for both of them.  I know we are where we are supposed to be right now.  I don’t know how we got here, I’m amazed by our path.  Grateful for our path.  Grateful for our experiences. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So I encourage you to maybe step out of your comfort zone and step into a zone of wonderfulness.